4. Conflict
Bring your book, notes, and questions to today’s meeting and be ready to discuss them together.
The goal of this meeting is to understand how to embrace conflict and pursue peace in the way of Jesus.
Conflict Discussion Guide
Use the following as a review of the core content in the selected chapters of The Peacemaker. As you walk through this overview, pause to share the comments and questions you wrote down as you completed the reading.
Preface and Intro to Part 1
The Four G’s
Glorify God (1 Cor. 10:31).
Get the log out of your eye (Matt. 7:5).
Gently restore (Gal. 6:1).
Go and be reconciled (Matt. 5:24).
Which of these 4 seems most difficult for you to embrace? Why do you think that is?
“When someone mistreats or opposes us, our instinctive reaction is to justify ourselves and do everything we can to get our way. This selfish attitude usually leads to impulsive decisions that only make matters worse. The gospel of Jesus provides the way out of this downward spiral.”
Chapter 1: Conflict Provides Opportunities
“Conflict is a difference in opinion or purpose that frustrates someone’s goals or desires.”
The Opportunities of Conflict
You can trust God.
You can obey God.
You can imitate God.
You can acknowledge God.
Have you considered that conflict is an opportunity? Are these opportunities you want to pursue? If so, how can you apply them now so you will remember them the next time conflict triggers you?
Chapter 2: Live at Peace
You most likely have, and will have, countless opportunities to embrace conflict in your marriage and life. Not only will you need to learn to navigate your own relationship well, but will need to train your children in peacemaking, if you have them, and certainly will face many disagreements and controversies in your workplaces, friendships, extended families, church, and neighborhood.
When complicated conflicts arise, keep Sande’s questions on page 57 in mind to help you discern how to pray and what to do. Dog-ear this page, because when conflict comes, emotions run high. A list like this will seem very helpful in a heated situation.
Chapter 4: Is This Really Worth Fighting Over?
There are many wise words in this chapter, but there is one question that you simply must ask:
Can you overlook minor offenses?
Because if you want to be a peacemaker, you’ll need to know what is worth a discussion, and what can simply be forgiven without a word.
What’s the difference between overlooking an offense, and avoiding conflict?
Chapter 6: Confession Brings Freedom
Just like you did in Chapter 2, dog ear Sande’s guide to navigating confession beginning on page 135. You are going to have many, many opportunities to confess in life, this is simply a fact. It is well worth the effort to learn to practice confession biblically, and without delay.
Look back at a time you were hurt by someone else’s sin, but it was never resolved. What would it have meant to you for them to move through these steps of confession? Are you willing to be obedient to ask God to remove the log from your own eye without anyone making you do it?
Practice
Conflict can glorify God, correct your own sin, gently restore you, and reconcile you to one another in the name of Jesus.
What is the last conflict you experienced as a couple? Was it allowed to complete each of these four steps? If not, why? Work together with your Mentors to resolve it right now.
Men, remember to nourish, cherish, sacrifice, sanctify, and satisfy your partner in any way you can, eagerly. Women, remember to submit to and respect your partner, because you love him.
Your mentor couple will pray over you to close.
Next Time
Set the time and date for your next meeting.
In the next few weeks, take time to read through Dr. Kevin Leman’s book, Sheet Music and write down notes and questions as you do. Before your next meeting, email your male or female mentor any questions or topics you want to discuss, and talk together privately (we won’t make you talk through too many details about sex at the table together, unless you want to). This book is practical, so keep it on hand.
The point is, whether you’ve got a lot of experience with sex together, or none at all, sex is powerful, and how we relate to one another sexually creates a unique and intimate bond no one else on the planet has but the two of you. It’s a level of intimacy you set apart for just one person, and that is a potent experience.
There is a way to understand your sexuality in the way of Jesus, and we want to share some very helpful messages with you to help you explore it.
Listen to the message Sexual Formation from Jon Tyson before your next meeting, and journal responses and questions as you do. Keep robust notes; the bulk of your discussion will come from your own thoughts and questions next time.
God & Sexuality is recommended, but not required.