5. Sex
Before you begin, be sure you’ve both listened to the following message from Jon Tyson about Sexual Formation. (God & Sexuality is recommended, but not required.) Bring your notes and questions to today’s meeting and be ready to discuss them together.
The goal of this meeting is to understand how to express and enjoy sex in the way of Jesus.
““I have the right to do anything,” you say—but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything”—but I will not be mastered by anything. You say, “Food for the stomach and the stomach for food, and God will destroy them both.” The body, however, is not meant for sexual immorality but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. By his power God raised the Lord from the dead, and he will raise us also. Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, “The two will become one flesh.” But whoever is united with the Lord is one with him in spirit.
Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies. ”
Sex Discussion Guide
That’s right, it’s time for the sex talk.
Like we said, whether you’ve got a lot of experience with sex together, or none at all, sex is powerful, and how we relate to one another sexually in marriage creates a unique and intimate bond no one else on the planet has but the two of you. It’s a level of intimacy you set apart for just one person, and that is a potent experience.
But of course, your sexuality goes far beyond the sexual act itself, and if you want to have a healthy, holy sex life, you need to feel free to explore just how complex you both are.
“Of all the revolutions that happen in the 20th century, many people agree that the sexual revolution was the most successful of all of those revolutions. If the goal of a revolution is to overthrow those who are in power and replace it with another government, it seems that this could be true.”
“The sexual revolution was the de-stigmatization and demystification of nonmarital sex and the reduction of sexual relations in general to a kind of hygenic recreation in which anything goes as long as those involved are consenting adults.”
Christians use porn, embrace sex outside of marriage, and get divorced at rates that are not remarkably disproportionate to those who don't claim to follow Jesus.
Why do you think that is?
The Bible is incredibly serious in its instructions about sex; not to shame us, but to protect and flourish us. Perhaps hearing God's view of sex has caused you to feel shame about your own body or sexual expressions. Any experience of shame you have is real and matters to God, but it is good to understand the source of what you feel. God admonishes and convicts us to teach and correct us in love. Sin and the enemy work in an opposite way. They don't draw us closer to God in love, but instead, isolate us and pull us away from him.
Have you had experiences with your sexuality that have resulted in this feeling of being pulled away from God? What impact did it have on you or others?
We can bring our sexuality to Jesus who only intends to make it thrive. The question is, are you willing to do this?
What do you want more? A vibrant, fully-formed sexual identity and freedom of expression, or a kind of sexual experience you can hold under your own control?
God is not urging us to have more will power, but to surrender the fight to keep our bodies under our own authority. Life in the way of Jesus is lived under the mastery of Jesus, and life with Jesus is very good.
Spend time discussing your notes and questions from the message. What does sexuality in partnership with Jesus look like?
How much of yourself are you willing to lose in your relationship with Jesus? How much of yourself are you willing to lose in order to enjoy marriage in the way of Jesus? Are you willing to deny yourself in order to enjoy things you can't get unless you're living in submission to God and mutual submission to your partner?
Practice
No doubt, this conversation has opened up many things for your conversation here at the table, and for you to consider moving forward. We can’t know what you need to do next, but your Mentors will certainly know how to guide you forward.
Discern the heart of what you both need and want right now in light of this conversation, then choose concrete action steps to move further into that direction, with your Mentors to help you and keep you accountable.
Your mentor couple will pray over you to close.
Next Time
Set the time and date for your next meeting.
You’ll complete your final task together with your Mentors at your next meeting!